Featured Blog, I: Hold Your Noses
Iraq Bullshit Apocalypse
Alex DeLarge, Martini Republic/March 17, 2006
"Oh man, the bullshit piled up so fast in Vietnam, you needed wings to stay above it."--Captain Williard, Apocalypse Now!
LOS ANGELES--Get your wings, if you’re following the latest
ground public relations offensive on Iraq.First, there is Operation Swarmer, billed as the “biggest air assault” since Mission Accomplished, 1500 troops and 50 helicopters searching a 100 square mile area of Iraq North of Baghdad. Supposedly, this shows the impressive capabilities of the new Iraq army. And yet, thus far, they haven’t had to do much actual fighting:
The military said about 30 people had been detained and arms caches seized in the operation near Samarra, where an alleged al Qaeda bomb destroyed a Shi’ite shrine last month and triggered weeks of sectarian bloodshed.
30 people “detained” and no reports of serious fighting. Some “arms caches” found — probably small to moderate stockpiles of small arms and some explosives, a drop in the bucket of weapons siezed from armories which the Coalition failed to secure after the fall of Baghdad.
The truth of the matter is there really isn’t a helluva lot of anything out in the area where “Swarmer” is taking place. According to CNN, “About 1,500 people live in the area and 100 insurgents are thought to be operating there.” So we’ve demonstrated that we can airlift 1,500 Iraqis to a sparsely populated 100 square mile area in which the population averages a whooping 15 persons per square mile with impunity. Yup, we can send our Iraqi boys out to the middle of nowhere in overwhelming force; but hell, we could probably airlift 1500 Boy Scouts to Death Valley, too. Yet BushCo is holding this bullshit exercise as validation of 3 years of its ceaseless fuck ups. Launching an “air assault” on nothing shows the light at the end of the tunnel!! And Bush’ll probably get a percent or two bounce out of all the positive sounding crap currently appearing in the media, like sewage floating up a backed-up drainpipe into a bathtub.
In addition to the triumphant Operation Swarmer, you have the giddy report from Iraq that our military is going to turn over increasing chunks of Iraqi “territory” over to the Iraqi forces this year. Read the rest at Martini Republic...
Featured Blog, II: Soul Recyclables
Falstaff, 2x3x7/March 17, 2006
So much for being bio-degradable. Veena informs me that the soul, far from melting back into the Supreme Unconsciousness (or at least the Supreme Sedentariness) when you die, keeps coming back again and again, like a piece of cheap plastic or a Canadian coin inserted into a Quarters Only laundromat. She has this, apparently, on good authority.
Right then. In order to restrict this post to manageable lengths, let's skip the standard could-I-end-up-dating-my-mother-as-a-teenager type stuff out of Oedipus Rex (or Back to the Future - whichever you prefer), as well as the political ramifications of such foresight (would you still vote for Dubya if you knew you were being reborn in Baghdad? ) and cut to the two things we really need to figure out about this whole phenomenon:
a) Does your credit history transfer across lives? (aka 'so you can't take it with you, but do you have to pay it back'?) and
b) If you know you're going to be a waiter in your next life, should you give more generous tips now?
Personally, I think this reincarnation business is just an excuse for extended procrastination. I mean, forget about putting things off till tomorrow or next month or next year. You can now put them off till your next incarnation! I could go through some four avatars before I find a topic for my dissertation. What more could a guy ask out of life? (Or lives?) Read the rest at 2x3x7...